Caveat Emptor

I apologize in advance if I offend those of you to whom I am related or close friends. Writing this is my catharsis and has been keeping me (moderately) sane of late.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Fertility, Infertility, What's the Difference?

I had this random thought that has recurred so often that is no longer random, so I must mention it. Why are all of the reproductive endocrinologist's offices named things like: Fertility Clinic of B*tt F*ckville or A+ Number One Fertility Center? Lets face it, those names are shameless trickery. People go there because they are either infertile to some extent or frightened that they may be.

A year ago (at 36) when I first had the inkling that my fertility was in question (Day 3 Estradiol level of 102, HORRID and debilitating periods, possible endometrioma) I began scouring the Internet for information. I was so shocked that I could not find the information for which I so desperately searched. The reason eventually made itself plain; they f*ck you in the "fertility" clinic. (figurativley, they don't really f*ck you; that's not how it works)

I still remember searching in vain for things like: Infertility Doctors in Chicago, Infertility Specialists in Illinois, and so on. Much to my surprise, there are no infertility doctors; they are called fertility doctors. I get it, you make an appointment, get a full work-up and a couple of shots and pills and WALA, your fertile! Cool, I'm in, where do I sign up? What's my co-pay?

I am still contemplating the reasoning of this dichotomy a year later. Is it so that those of us who seek their treatment don't feel broken or not something that we should be as the word INfertile implies?


Is it because by calling themselves "fertility" specialists they are subconsciously implying to the scared and easily tricked that through their treatment we will magically become fertile? Maybe. That way we believe that the outrageous cost, both monetarily and physically is worth it. That there is an implied guarantee that it will pay off in the end with a beautiful, healthy, perfect in every way biological baby. These fertility doctors are so powerful that moments after you deliver your superior baby, you are in perfect shape too; just like a 20 year old co-ed. Let's tailgate!

Grab your ultrasound wand/probe and work your magic. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has got nothing on these magic makers; they don't even need a Phoenix feather or unicorn tail hair.

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