Another Panic Attack

I absolutely must see a doctor about these G-d damned panic attacks. About 30 minutes after I went to bed last night I woke up with my heart thumping out of my chest. I got out of bed, and because I cannot take Xanax, I decided to go take Benadryl. My husband stopped me and tried to calm me down, but the shaking, heart palpitations, not being able to catch my breath, tears, confusion, and indescribable fear and panic is gonna fuckin' kill me. This may get worse as the pregnancy progresses (knock on wood, bite your tongue, etc.) and I do not think this is good for any of us (me, my husband, and Ri-short for Rice; my sister's name for the babe).

I don't even understand where this comes from, but after this panic attack, all of my thoughts turned dark. I started thinking of things that really depressed and confused me. You know how when you have a really bad dream and it colors your whole day in bleakness and haze? Well that is how this is, only on crack. I just want to be happy. Honestly, my true life's goal is to be content (winning the lottery is a very close second though).

Also, is it a panic attack, an anxiety attack, or a two-for-one combo? I understand having a panic attack on an airplane or even in a crowded restaurant, but in my bed wrested from a sound sleep? Maybe this is still an after effect of my going off Zoloft from April 24 to May 8? I don't know, but I cannot keep going through this. I so wish that I wasn't crazy. I have heard it said that people with a high intelligence have a greater propensity to suffer from maladies such as: anxiety, panic, and depression. If this is in fact true, I prefer the ignorance is bliss life model! I'll gladly trade in some I.Q. points for a little peace of mind (not really, but a pregnancy class B or even C Benzodiazepine would be greatly appreciated).

This is our cat Squeaks comforting me after my panic attack. If you click on the top picture you can see on my watch that it is 3:40 something am. I sure could have used a Xanax instead!