Kicked Butt

So, I haven't mentioned the fact that I quit smoking. It has been indescribably horrendous, but I had to do it. This will be my sixth day smoke free and my husband is so proud of me. My father-in-law gave me shit yesterday for not quitting earlier. He was horrified that I was "5 weeks" pregnant and only 5 days of not smoking. He actually huffed and sulked out of the room in disgust. He doesn't get the dating from our last menstrual period (LMP) thing, so he has decided to be Mr. Judgmental and Mr. Horrified all at once. You know, it's funny, he smoked most of his adult life and quit a couple of years ago, and now he's the preacher of what is okay and not okay for everone else. It's amazing how all of his kids turned out so terrific, considering all of the cigarettes that were smoked and wine and vodka that was guzzled when they were in utero. I feel bad enough about my weaknesses, I don't need to be chastised about one of them after I quit. No medal needed or deserved, just some restraint regarding unsolicited advice and unwanted opinions would be terrific, thanks.

Don't misunderstand, I love my father-in-law to death, which is why his attitude hurt my feelings. He's been badgering us about having kids for nearly 10 years and the first time I see him since we found out that we are pregnant, he acts cold and distant. That hurt. Not even a hug when we came in the door. After a few uncomfortable moments my husband says to him, "Why don't you give your pregnant daughter-in-law a hug?" Maybe he's just paranoid or superstitious. Maybe because his daughter is pregnant, he doesn't care about us being pregnant as much. I sure hope that's not it.

When we were at my in-laws yesterday my sister-in-law (who is 18 weeks pregnant) and my husband agreed that part of the reason for my panic attacks is my quitting smoking cold turkey. This was mildly comforting in that I don't want to be insane. I wish I shared their belief, but I am leaning toward my being semi & part-time crazy. Also, my first panic attack in quite a while was May 5th, and I was still smoking at that time. That one could possibly attributed to stopping Zoloft cold-turkey, but who knows? I just hope I make it through this pregnancy with what's left of my sanity in tact.