Caveat Emptor

I apologize in advance if I offend those of you to whom I am related or close friends. Writing this is my catharsis and has been keeping me (moderately) sane of late.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Asinine Suggestions, Irrelevant Anecdotes, and Smart Ass Responses

Asinine Suggestions, Irrelevant Anecdotes, and Smart Ass Comments


  • "Stop trying." If we stop trying we will never have a baby. Where is the logic in that? What's your I.Q. anyway Einstein?


  • "Have some wine." F*ck off, I don't even like wine. I like cigarettes!


  • "Just think positive." I am thinking positive douche bag!


  • "Just relax, then you'll get pregnant." Oh my G-d! That's all I have to do; why didn't my R.E. tell me, 'cuz These shots hurt!


  • "Go on vacation." Okay, great! Who's paying? You see, Mike and are I woefully underpaid teachers. Also, After my laparosopy and second cystoscopy last year, I lost my job. Thanks FMLA, 12 years of dedicated service to children and all you guarantee me is a substitute position? Nice loophole.

  • "I work with this lady and her daughter-in-law had to do shots for two years, plus she had to deal with kidney stones; twice! In fact she's in the hospital right now..." Wow, I guess I am lucky 'cuz I have only just started jabbing needles in my belly. If I have to go through this for another two years, will I have earned some sympathy? It's really comforting to know how much better off I am than your acquaintance's son's wife. By the way, how are her kids?

  • "Have you considered donor eggs?" Uh, no, not yet; I just got this horrid diagnosis. I'd kinda like to try some aggressive treatment first, IF I can find an RE willing to work with a 37 year-old with a day 3 FSH level of 16.9. Hey, How's your kid doing?

  • "You could always adopt." Yeah, I hear that's a really easy process. Thanks for the tip. By the way, next time can you give me a monetary tip 'cuz adoption is REALLY expensive and my insurance only covers infertility (at least for a while).

  • "You know, you'll have to start doing handstands after sex." Thanks for the suggestion. And all this time I have been running right to the bathroom to pee after sex, letting all that man juice get away. Shit, I didn't realize! That must be it, (note to self). Listen douche bag, I have been keeping my pelvis elevated after sex since January 2006; January 20, 2006 to be exact

  • Are you eating right? Nope, just Twinkies, sushi, and battery acid. Why, do you think this is my fault? If it is, then how come all of those crack and heroine addicts get knocked up?

  • "My neighbor's, friend's sister-in-law knows someone who..." And this applies to me how?

  • "Just be patient; it will happen. It just takes time." How do you know; are you psychic?

  • "It's in G-d's hands." I don't believe in G-d, but you can.

Loving people trying innocently to help and just plain ignorants, I HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION, that is why we are going through infertility. It's called a high FSH; my day 3 level is 16.9. LOOK IT UP! I would if you were going through this. Or, you could just actually read the multitude of links that I have sent to you. Other terms you may use to search for information are:

  • Premature Ovarian Failure (POF)
  • Diminished Ovarian Reserve (DOR)
  • Early Menopause
  • Peri Menopause
  • Diminished Fertility
  • How can I support and comfort my loved one while s/he is going through infertility?

This list will surely be updated, unless I am in jail for jabbing my Follistim pen into the eyes of some ignorant f*ckhead (with the needle attached , of course).

1 comment:

The Town Criers said...

Hi, Pretty Kitty--found your blog through mine. This is a great list :-)

You can add to any of the old blilts by just sending me the words in an email: thetowncriers@gmail.com or leaving them as a comment on the blilt page. This post has a list of the old blilts as well as the latest one under construction (and it sounds like you have quite a bit of assvice to pass along!): http://stirrupqueenannex.blogspot.com/2007/04/how-to-make-international-blilt.html

The instructions are on the original pages for the blilts so you can see the word count limits, etc on the post for the current blilt.

Welcome to the blogosphere. I added you to my blogroll too.