Day 3 FSH: 20.9...

Infertility Myths - Pretty Kitties and a Chihuahua Too: Asinine Suggestions, Irrelevant Anecdotes, and Smart Ass Responses#links#links#links#links

Pretty Kitties and a Chihuahua Too: Asinine Suggestions, Irrelevant Anecdotes, and Smart Ass Responses#links#links#links#links

Infertility Myths

Pretty Kitties and a Chihuahua Too: Asinine Suggestions, Irrelevant Anecdotes, and Smart Ass Responses

Jemmys Third 3rd Birthday Card

Classic Without Edge Birthday 5x7 folded card

Turn those cute photos into baby's 1^st birthday invitations.

View the entire collection of cards.

My Review of Champion Boxing Costume

Originally submitted at One Step Ahead

Little champs have a blast in this knockout boxer's costume, with hooded, satin warm-up robe, shorts, stuffed boxing gloves, boot covers, and title belt. Imported. A One Step Ahead Exclusive! Personalize the robe for just $5 more! Complete options below. (Personalized items can't be returne...

Champion Boxing Costume

Adorable, but name came off in wash

By Jemmy's Mommy from Chicago, IL on 10/31/2010

 

3out of 5

Pros: Cute, Lots of Fun

Cons: Poor Quality, Letters came off in wash

Best Uses: Just For Fun, Costume Party, Trick Or Treating

Describe Yourself: Adventurous, Trendy

LOVE the costume and it was a great price! Caveat emptor, ALL of the letters came off after ONE wash. I know that one letter was already peeled a tiny bit at the corner prior to washing, so personalize at your own risk. I just spoke with the company and they are going to credit me for the cost of the costume and give me a $5.00 coupon because tyhere are not more in my son;s size. Very good resolution from the company!

Before Washing (Super Cute)

Tags: Using Product, Before washing

(legalese)

Oh Nicky You're So Fine...

The tumor is benign!

They called last night with the good news. I was not expecting to hear anything until Monday or Tuesday, but Nicky kept her word.

Nicky was the person who first brought me back to the changing room, took me to the biopsy room and explained everything to me; she was with me through the entire procedure. I have to say that Nicky was one of the most awesome people that I have ever met. She was so genuine, sweet, and really took my mind off of the whole thing; that and the Xanax of course. She told me that a friend that she went to school with worked in the department to which my tissue would be sent and that she would put a rush on it through her friend. I believed her (kind of), but I did not think it would be possible as the turn around time was 2 business days, it was Thursday afternoon, and the radiologist said that I may not have the results until Tuesday. Nicky, you rock!

Nicky took me to the changing room, showed me where to change, and where to put my things. There were lockers and any locker with a key was mine for the choosing. There were many available lockers, but I chose locker B9, get it...B9=benign? The nurse told me that in four years not one other patient said that; must be the English teacher in me.

It turned out that Nicky and her husband were going in for a consultation with a fertility specialist. I cannot remember how this came up, but I hope that I was able to ease some of her fears with our awesome outcome. I wish only great things for her. I want her to be my real friend, not just my breast biopsy friend! I told her how I terrific I thought she was and she acted as though no patient had ever told her that before, which I cannot believe; she was that great.

I go back in two weeks and I will find out more then i.e, what type of tumor it is: cyst, fibroadenoma, lipoma, some other oma, or a pea sized dense no named thingy, but whatever it is, I have a six month reprieve. I kind of want it removed just in case, but I will see what the doctor says. You see, my maternal grandma died of breast cancer at 59, when I was just six months old and her mom died of breast cancer as well; she was in her 30's I believe, so to be honest, I am still not confident that it is nothing.

While the radiologist (not the one who found the mass) was doing the biopsy she kept saying that because the mass was so small (about the size of a pea), and my boobs were so dense (yeah!) she was having a hard time getting to it. This did not sit well with me. Frankly, I was not confident in her ability to get the sample, mostly because she did not seem confident. I'm no radiologist, so I guess she probably got it, but for someone who does this procedure routinely it was disconcerting that she seemed to be having trouble. The ultrasound tech who did the original ultrasounds on Monday had no problem finding the mass, she should have does this one too. Maybe it is harder to find when it is magnified so much more; who knows?

The radiologist said that with my family history, she may want to do an MRI regardless of the biopsy results, but when I mentioned this to the nurse who called with the results, she briefly consulted with the doctor, then told me that would not be necessary. I will ask about this again when I go back in two weeks.

I'm probably looking too much into it; I'll know more in two weeks but we are thrilled with the B9 result!!!

Benign Mass, Harmless Cyst, or Other?

I am home from work today because my little angel has the stomach flu with a pretty high fever. Jem is such a precious prince and thank goodness he is sleeping; getting the rest he needs.


So, last week (Monday, April 14, 2009 to be exact) I found a lump in my left breast. To me, it felt like the lump in the faux breast found in some doctor's offices, so that patients are able to get an idea of what a lump or mass in the breast may feel like. The lump in my breast felt like a pebble. The next day I went to see the physician's assistant at my doctor's office and was referred by her to the breast center. By the time I went to the breast center yesterday I could hardly find it and was not in the least bit nervous. In fact, I thought I was wasting my and my husband's time and that I had made a big deal out of nothing.


I began having mammograms in 2005, when I was 35. Usually women do not begin getting mammograms until they are 40, but because we have a family history of breast cancer it was best to get a baseline early. I feel that 40 is wayyyyyy too late in a women's life to get a baseline mammogram, but what do I know?

My first mammogram in 2005 was uneventful, though I could finally understand all of the mammogram jokes. If one were to faint while having a mammogram, he or she would be hanging from the machine by his or her tit; it is really fucking smashed in there! If you are claustrophobic, take a Xanax (or two)!

In 2006 I had my second mammogram and I was called by the hospital the following day because it was abnormal and they needed to do more tests. Fucking scared the shit out of me! They did ultrasounds and determined that whatever they saw were cysts. Great! I had my next mammogram in 2007 prior to beginning fertility treatment. All clear again. I did not have a mammogram in 2008 because I was breast feeding, which I have not done in about three months.

Yesterday, my husband went with me and as I said, I was unconcerned for the most part. The mammogram pictures were taken and I waited to move on to the ultrasound. The lady who did my mammogram came back and said that the radiologist want one or two more pictures. I was still pretty relaxed, though probably from the Xanax. I had not taken a Xanax since quite a while before I got pregnant, so one worked pretty quickly. She took two more pictures and I think she cracked a rib or two.

Next was the ultrasound. I had really been unable to locate the pebble I had felt the week before so when the ultrasound tech asked me to show her where it was, I doubted that I could find it. I began to feel a bit ashamed that I came for no reason...then I found it. She began moving the ultrasound around my now slightly saggier since pregnancy left breast and I told her that ultrasounds are much more fun when looking at your baby. She agreed, courteously laughed and continued ultrasounding.

Nothing on the screen looked like anything for awhile, and then I saw it. There was no mistaking that it was something other than normal breast tissue. she took many pictures, measurements and what I think may have been density measurements. I asked her questions like, "Is that the only one?" but she could not answer me. She said the radiologist would come in to talk with me. The radiologist came in and told me that we would have to do a biopsy. She was pretty matter-of-fact, which I guess she has to be.

I spoke to a surgeon, who was really great! He explained everything that was going to happen next and he was so patient. Mike was with me for this part; he was shaking and at times, it looked like he was holding back tears. Maybe I should have given him a Xanax? The nurse was also terrific and she and the surgeon did their jobs of calming people extraordinarily well. I have confidence in them.

I will be going back Thursday for an ultrasound guided Core Needle Biopsy. At the end of the procedure they will place a tiny piece of titanium in my breast at the biopsy site. This is done so that the surgeon can easily find the area biopsied, for future monitoring or in the event that a follow-up procedure is needed to remove more tissue. The surgeon drew four different pictures of breast masses. Two of the four shapes are nothing, one is bad, and one they just don't know; that is the shape of my mass. It is 12mm and for now, that is all I know....Oh, and that the lump that I found is nothing, probably a blocked milk duct; this was an incidental find.

Jem Squeals with Delight While Playing with Sugar 10-26-08

Barack Obama Is the President Elect; I Am Humbled and Awed

I am so heartened that Jem, my 9 month old son, will grow up in a world with the good sense to have elected Barack Obama the forty-fourth president of The United States of America. My cynicism has turned to optimism. A new day has dawned and I am excited and honored to be a part of this historic time.

Sadly, So F$%KING Sadly, I Stand Corrected

That is all that I have to say about that.

Cubs Clinch N.L. Central!!!

It is my belief that Jem is the key to reversing the Cubs curse. Jem was born on January 14, 2008, which makes his astrological sign a goat. Jem's middle name is Dov, which means bear; Jem is a baby and a baby bear is a...Cub. Dov is for Jem's great-grandpa Don, who was a die hard Cubs fan, as was his other great-grandpa Waller. A baby as awesome as Jem only comes along every 100 years; the last time the Cubs won a world series was...100 years ago. See how that works?

To Clip or Not to Clip

When Jem was an itty bitty baby I tried clipping his nails, but it did not turn out well. I clipped two nails and drew blood on BOTH fingers. I was horrified beyond words and never used nail clippers again. I have been filing Jem's nails ever since...until today! I clipped all ten nails and nary a drop of blood was shed. Yeah!!! A mommy milestone to be sure.

Have I mentioned how awesome my kid is???

Almost 8 Months, Two Teeth, Back at Work and Still Breastfeeding

Before Jem was born people would ask me if I was going to breastfeed and I would say that I was going to try and was planning to make it to 3 months. After Jem was born there were times that I did not think that I would make it to one month let alone three months. When I got to the three month mark I decided that it was important to breastfeed until Jem was six months. Now I am at nearly 8 months and I am so glad that I never gave up. It got much easier as time went on.

Sometimes breastfeeding is the only thing that comforts Jem when he is super tired and cannot fall asleep on his own. I will cherish this time for the rest of my life and I am honored that I alone can provide this for him. This is not to say that it is easy, especially now that I am back at work, but that makes it even more important. While Jem is at day care and I am at work it comforts me to know that he has my breast milk.

I would rather be with him, but he is really happy at day care. If he wasn't I would be living in a cardboard box under Lakeshore Drive because I would stay home with him regardless if I lost my house. It would have to be a pretty big cardboard box though because we would need enough space for the 5 kitties and doggie too.

Jem Rolled Over!

Picture from 5-20-08.




On Friday night June 6, 2008 at approximately 9:45 pm Jem rolled from his back to his front, then back to his back. My jaw hit the floor and I was speechless for some moments. I am so proud!



Then today at approximately 4:55 pm, Jem rolled over TWO more times from back to front! The first time he had some trouble getting his arm out from under his body, so mom helped a bit. The second time he did it himself. This tired him out soooooo much that he needed a snack and a nap.



The thing is, when my babe wants to do something and can't (getting his arm out from under him, putting, x, y, or z in his mouth, etc.) he gets SUPER frustrated. This is no passive child; he wants to do what he wants when he wants and if he can't, watch out! He gets this from his mother. I just hope he doesn't grow up and stomp off the field or take his ball and go home. I am not really worried about this, I know he will have tenacity; he already does!!



I cannot express how much I love Jem. There are simply no words....

Out for a Walk

Jem looking lovingly at his momma . He melts my heart with that smile!

(Picture taken at the start of our walk.)

The Mega Millions lottery is up to $100 million, so I decide to take my boys and my dog on a walk to buy the winning ticket. It was drizzling slightly, but the store is only a block and a half away, so off we go. After we get halfway there I notice a dark cloud above us, which I mention to Mike; he is unconcerned. After a few more steps I announce my growing concern about the possibility of a sudden downpour. Jem is a very fussy baby and the mere thought of getting stuck in the rain with him and my dog is enough to throw me into a panic. I mean, if I am holding Jem and I stop moving for a millisecond, he voices his discontent. He only tolerates his bath if he is not actually in the water, so I kind of thought we should not take any chances and turn back, but Mike seemed a little annoyed and we were already halfway there, so on we went.

I get my three lottery tickets (three because Jem is three months old) and we head home. Two steps out of the gas station and the drizzle turns to rain, then BOOM...torrential downpour. I am wearing flip flops, but I try my best to run. Mike is running with the stroller, and I am running with the dog. Jem is in his travel system, which has two canopy's, one on the infant seat and one on the stroller, so he should be totally protected, but there is no way to check because then he would definitely get soaked, so I try to get home ASAP without freaking out about how Jem is handling this.

We get in the house and Mike, Sugar, and I are completely soaked, with my heart seizing with panic, I check on Jem and he is not only totally dry, but happy as can be!

What an awesome memory!

First Real Bath, Finally

Jem finally had his first real bath today. I know, I am an awful parent; how could Jem's first bath be on his 2 month birthday? Well, for one, I am not nearly as good a parent as I thought I would be and second, when we went to give him a bath awhile ago, he screamed his head off and I just could not do it! We put him in one of those plastic tubs and he just looked so freakin' uncomfortable. His poor fragile head on this uncomfortable plastic; it just ripped my heart out. Honestly, that padding is a joke. Plus, he was so wobbly, I just could not do it.

Mike and I have been washing him periodically with these Johnson's wipes, but I have been riddled with guilt over not bathing my child the right way, you know, with water and soap, so today I did it! By myself, in the real bathtub with Jem in the Mother's Touch Large Comfort Bather, and it was okay. Jem was, of course, screaming, but I worked fast and at the end I think he kind liked it...though he probably would not admit this.

I hope that I am a better parent than I feel like I am. I really feel like a bad parent quite a bit. Jem hates tummy time, so he hardly does it. Am I hurting my child irreparably by being less of a parent than I should be? I hope he loves me! When he falls asleep during the day, I put him in his crib and I feel like I am not doing enough for him, like I should be bouncing him and holding him all day. I know he needs to sleep, but I just have this feeling of inadequacy a lot. I just have so much guilt and anxiety at times that I did not anticipate. I hope it is the hormone shift and that this will pass. My husband tells me that I am the most selfless person that he knows, but I do not feel like it. I feel so disorganized and I want to have better systems in place for us as a family. I feel so lazy sometimes, like I should do more, be less tired, be a better wife and mother.

Is Jem eating enough? Is Jem eating too much? Why does Jem "ask" to be fed, then arch his back and scream? Is is the gas? Is it reflux? Is it that my milk is bad? Is it the supplemental formula he gets occasionally? So many questions that I cannot answer? I just have to get more comfortable with not having answers and not being as perfect as I wish I were.

I just hope that Jem is happy now and always.

One Month Doctor Appointment

Weight: 10 lbs. 5 oz.

Length: 21 1/4

Head Circumference: 15 1/8

Temperature: 96.5 (He was naked. Mike asked if the temp was okay and the doc said yes.)

Jem Dancing (Then Crying)

We had Jem's one month appointment on Thursday, Feb. 21st. It was supposed to be on the 14th, but we were late and had to reschedule; the doctor was gone already (supposedly). The reason we were late, aside from trying to get myself and a newborn ready, was that a cab was stalled in the middle lane of the expressway.

Jem is a little one, in terms of percentages, which is fine with me as he doesn't like to be out of my arms for any length of time. He has been up all night and crying (screaming bloody murder) recently and if you saw me you would know this to be true as I am unshowered, have bags under my eyes, and my wrinkles are more pronounced than ever. I will spare you how many days of unshowered I am. Suffice it to say, it is more than one, but less than a baker's dozen.

Jem is hungry all of the time! My brother has two boys and he was shocked by how often our little guy wants to eat. He could be attached to my boob 24/7 and be happy. The doctor cautioned against overfeeding and told us how babies like to suck and are not necessarily hungry. Most of the time I can tell when he is hungry because he tries to eat his hand and moves his head like a turtle trying to find a breast. I started calling him a turtle in the hospital because of this and I think this nickname will stick!

I love my baby boy so much!

Be Careful What You Wish For

Our little prince will be one month old tomorrow. My how the time flies and how fat the baby gets! My little hungry hungry hippo eats 24/7!

One would think that delivering a 6 pound 10 ounce baby would be a veritable piece of cake, but he or she would be wrong in my case.

My labor started off just as I had hoped, with my water breaking. This made me happy because I did not want to sit around counting and timing contractions. I wanted to know when I was for sure in labor and that I could go straight to the hospital, which is exactly what we did!

The truth is that I was in "very early labor" starting the night of Wednesday January 9. We called the OB's office that night because I was having very painful contractions. Our doctor was not on call, but the doctor who was on call asked how far apart my contractions were and how long they lasted. I told her that so far this one had lasted about 45 minutes because as far as I could tell, I was in continuous pain; there was no start or stop. Well, she told us to come in. Long story short, after 3 or 4 hours they sent us home and I had contractions on and off until the 14th when my water broke at 4:20 am. The only relief from the pain was a bath, which I took 2 or 3 times each day. I also was taking multiple baths a day because I had PUPPS, which caused such horrendous itching that I thought I would lose my mind.

So, back to the 14th of January, My water has broken and we head to the hospital. I live in Chicago and my hospital is in the suburbs, which in January could translate into serious traffic problems. We got to the hospital in no time! By the time we get into a labor and delivery room I am 4 cm dilated. They ask if I plan to have an epidural...yes! When would I like it? As soon as I can have it! Well, I get my epidural in a matter of minutes. Wow, this is going GREAT!! They keep checking my progress and everything is textbook; a little help from pitocin and I continue to dilate beautifully. The doctors expect that we will have a baby by around 1:00 that afternoon. Cool!

Well, 1:00 comes and goes and so does 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, and 6:00. I am stuck at 9 cm for at least 4 hours. My little babe starts having an irregular heartbeat, fast, then slow. On with the oxygen mask, and the internal heart monitor (screwed into my baby's little head), and the internal contraction monitor. My perfect labor has taken an alarming turn.

I have no more amniotic fluid and this is not okay. The doctor does an amniofusion to put some fluid back around the baby in the hopes to keep him safe and help me to dilate to 10 cm. This did not work and off to have a cesarean we went. My birth plan said that when in doubt as to my baby's health do a c-section! They did not waste time and for that I am so thankful.

Now, all through my pregnancy I had said that I would prefer a C-section to a vaginal delivery. I thought a C-section would be less painful and traumatic than a vaginal delivery. What an idiot I was! C-sections hurt, and they leave a scar to boot! I was so swollen afterward that I could not bend my legs at the knee or foot because my skin was so tight. I looked like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, minus the purple skin. Really, it wasn't that bad, but be careful what you wish for because it may just come true!!

I would do it all again in a heartbeat for my little miracle.

May You

MAY YOU

May you learn to touch joy
in each moment,
May you dance to your song
in each day.
May you find your own music
within you,
May you follow your heart
all the way.

May you learn through your
daily endeavors,
May you learn to feel
deeply with love.
May you grow to feel
conscience forever,
May you grow wonderfully
dear Jem Ruben Dov.

Poppa Waller
1 / 20 / 08

He's Here!

I love being in my daddy's arms.

Monday, January 14, 2008

7:06 PM

19 inches

6 lbs, 10 oz.

We are all home and doing well!

I miss this stage of J's life already and it has just begun; he is only 9 days old.

The love that I feel for J is indescribable; greater than words can fully express.

I hope to update again soon .

Our precious prince thanks you for visiting!

P.S. Happy 2nd birthday cousin R! I cannot wait to meet you!