6 weeks 2 days
Heartbeat: 113
(normal heartbeat at 6-7 weeks is 90-110 beats per minute)
Progesterone: 24.1
No need for beta HCG
(took that as a good sign!)
We saw the heartbeat! Iceman was so cute; before I could even see the screen he was like a kid in a candy store, "I see it! I see it!" I have to say, when I first inserted the light saber in my crotch and the tech was quietly looking around in there, I was scared, scared that they wouldn't see a heartbeat, but then Iceman saw it. It was pretty darn cool. My clothes are already tight, no shit!
So, I have mentioned my nurse S. before and the fact that she is a waste of viable human organs (I can't take credit for that one, my friend Staci coined that phrase), well today I lost it at the clinic. S. saw me while making my next appointment, and of course, said nothing to acknowledge my presence. I had a question and again she brushed me off like an annoying fly in her ear. While Iceman was using the bathroom (very small bladder) I stood by the reception desk. The young lady behind the counter (nice girl) asked if she could help me or if I was waiting for S. I told her that I was not waiting for S. then I went on to say (abridged version)...
Me: "I cannot stand that woman!"
Receptionist: "I totally understand." (I could tell that she really did understand; she had a teeny knowing smirk flash across her face)
Me: "That woman is a fucking bitch!" (I am tearing up at this point)
Me: "She treats me like this every time I am here. She never even called me when we found out we were pregnant! She is my nurse and she still has not called me. She treats me like shit!" (I am in tears by now)
Receptionist: "I am so sorry. What is your question? I can ask someone else. I will report this; you will never have to deal with her again."
Well, unfortunately I did have to deal with her again because she is the one who called me with my results. S. had the nerve to mention my being upset earlier today and I told her that I did not want to discuss it. I had just woken up from a nap because I had a horrible headache. This bitch went on to make a bunch of excuses about being short one nurse and it being busy after a holiday, blah, blah, blah, and fuck you!!! You treated me the exact same way 17 dpIUI when I came in for my second beta and no one else was in the office that day. I just got my results and instructions and goodbye nurse Ratchet.
N., the tech who draws my blood told me to make an OB ultrasound and blood work exit appointment for next week. I did, but nurse Ratchet called and said the the doctor looked at my ultrasound and blood work and that there was no need for my u/s and b/w appointment next week (6/5) and to cancel it; just keep the exit appointment with the doctor (6/12). Being that I just woke up from a nap and that I was displeased (to say the least) that Ratchet was the one to call me, I did not ask why there was no need for the appointment. I am assuming that it is because things are looking good (knock on wood, bite your tongue), but the receptionist had said that we would hear the heartbeat at the next visit and now I am a little upset that we won't be doing that. I am planning on moving my exit appointment with the doctor up to next Monday. He had an appointment that day, but we didn't take it because he is at an office very far away, but now I don't care, I just want to move on to my OB and hear our baby's heartbeat ASAP!
I really like N., the lady who takes my blood. She told me that she was so glad that I didn't have to keep going go through this (fertility treatments). That was very sweet of her to say. I gave her a hug goodbye. She was the only one who told me my follicle sizes, how many follicles there were, what to expect next, my HCG levels, etc. That is not even her job, but she made a point to give me some information and comfort when I obviously needed it; I will always remember her for that. I did tell this to my doctor at our last consult and I will tell him again at my exit appointment. Good work needs to be acknowledged and appreciated. I will also mention S. and her total lack of human skills, unapologetic self importance, and complete disregard for her patients fears, needs, confusion, and feelings.
Most importantly, we are pregnant following our first IUI, and that is a miracle that no one expected, least of all me! I am still somewhat in shock, though waking up 100 times a night in a cold sweat, having to pee is starting to make it pretty real for us, as is needing to buy new clothes already. I know that we are still at the beginning and have a lot of hurdles to jump, but this is wonderful and we are thrilled to be on our way to parenthood.
Today is Iceman's 35th birthday! I put this picture from his birthday last year because it is so damned cute! We went to his favorite sushi restaurant (eek!) and no, I did not eat any raw fish! I rarely do, I like fried stuff; he likes the raw stuff. I want you to know that my husband is a wonderful man and I am very lucky to have him. He loves me exactly as I am, flaws, failings, fears, fuck-ups and all, and for that I am eternally grateful. I am one lucky bitch.
I am supposedly 12 dpo/IUI and 14 dp HCG trigger; my IUI was Sunday, April, 29. We had our 'if we didn't conceive this cycle' consult on Tuesday and the decision was made that due to my "diagnosis" (translation-high FSH), we will move on to IVF-IF I am not pregnant. My doses will be increased in the hopes of getting more than one mature egg. I sure don't think a needle through the vaginal canal is worth it for one egg. Speaking of one egg, when I mentioned my most likely only having had one mature egg this cycle (300 Follistim for 7 days) to my RE, guess what he said..."It only takes one." Now, because he is an RE, I guess it's okay, but I did snicker a bit. When other people say that to me, I have this strange urge to head-butt them.
You know, I was really psyched that we could possibly find out if we were going to be parents on Iceman's birthday or Mother's Day, but today is too early for a reliable result and my RE doesn't do blood tests on the weekends (what the fuck kinda shit is that?). In hindsight or foresight or whatever sight, it is probably better this way. Last summer I got my period on my birthday and it SUCKED! Not only was I not pregnant, I felt like complete shit! The next month I got my period, then came home from my in-laws to find my beloved cat Washington, our first pet, dead on the counter with his head in a pool of blood from an apparent aneurysm.
I must tell you that I have been pissing on HPTs all fucking week; every day since Friday 5/4 and also on 4/29 and 5/2. The first time I POAS after the HCG shot was pretty cool 'cuz I had only seen positive pregnancy tests on the cover of the boxes in which they are sold. The real problem now is that by 5/4 the HCG trigger (I shot up w/ Ovidrel on 4/27) was nearly out of my system; the line on the HPT was super faint, but on 5/4 my RE had me do an HCG booster, so the damned things are still positive. My nurse told me to test 15 dpIUI (tomorrow), but how reliable will that be since the HCG is still showing up today? Also, if it is positive, I can't go in for the fuckin' beta until Monday. Again, it's probably best, but if I get my period on Mother's Day, I am sure that I will be wallowing in the irony of it.
Back to the if I didn't conceive consult. I asked my RE about him wanting me to go off Zoloft. I told him that the tech who takes my blood told me that HE told her to tell me that I must go off of it ASAP. His response was that he never tells his patients to just stop anti-depressants cold turkey like that. I told him that I didn't quite trust what she said, so when I came in for my next u/s and b/w, I asked her again and she sang the same exact tune. He said that he was going to talk to her because he never said anything like that. Now, I do not want her to get in any trouble because I like her; she treats me nicely and prints out all of my results for me, but I stopped Zoloft cold turkey because she told me to, and that is just not cool. I hope she doesn't start hurting me with that needle now when I come in for my b/w!
I also told him my feelings about the u/s tech who I have been unlucky enough to have had nearly every time I have gone in. She wields that ultrasound wand like a light saber, I kid you not! I mean shit, that hurts, especially on day 3. What bothered me more than her less than gentle probing of my nether region, and her cold, dismissive, uncaring demeanor, was what I feel was a major faux pas on her part.
On April 26 I went in for my u/s and b/w. The office called that afternoon to tell me that my RE wanted me to go an extra day on Follistim and Ganirelex to see if we could get my second largest follicle to mature before the trigger. The bigger follicle was 19.5mm and the second was 13mm. Okay, so I go in the next day and light saber tech measured one follicle at 19.5mm and the other at 13.5mm . I casually mention that I am surprised because I went an extra day on the meds in the hopes of some growth on the smaller follicle. She then remeasures the bigger follicle and says, "Oh, well when I take the average of the measurements, it's actually 21.5mm." First of all, why didn't you measure correctly the first time? Secondly, why am I telling you how to do your job? and third, why didn't you measure the smaller follicle again? This pissed me off and it didn't sink in until after I left the office. If I could have gone back, I would have asked to her to remeasure it, but shit, I am still a novice at this. Needless to say, I felt that I must tattle because this is a heart rending process without a cold bitch for a tech. and I need to be treated with a little more professionalism and TLC. I try to do unto others ya know what I mean?
My RE assured me that her diagnostic skills are top notch (he basically gave me her resume of experience and training), but that her people skills leave a lot to be desired. This made me feel better for two reasons, 1) he has confidence in her skills and 2) he knows she is a cold bitch. He said that he was glad that I told him all of this because he wants me to feel comfortable coming in to the office. I hope he means this because it is hard enough going in alone every other day to get poked in the crotch by a light saber, jabbed with a needle in my bruised and battered inner elbow, and then go home to jab myself in my swollen, mutilated abdomen with more needles.
Fertility/infertility treatment is such fun!
I am beginning to feel as though my period is coming. I hope I am wrong!
Below is our cat Squeaks (isn't she a stunner) in front of the balloon bouquet that I made for Iceman's birthday. Iceman named her; I wanted to name her Lupin because as a kitten she looked like a wolf, but now I get to name the maybe baby! Incidentally, he doesn't remember that we made that deal. Too bad; I win!
