Be Careful What You Wish For

Our little prince will be one month old tomorrow. My how the time flies and how fat the baby gets! My little hungry hungry hippo eats 24/7!

One would think that delivering a 6 pound 10 ounce baby would be a veritable piece of cake, but he or she would be wrong in my case.

My labor started off just as I had hoped, with my water breaking. This made me happy because I did not want to sit around counting and timing contractions. I wanted to know when I was for sure in labor and that I could go straight to the hospital, which is exactly what we did!

The truth is that I was in "very early labor" starting the night of Wednesday January 9. We called the OB's office that night because I was having very painful contractions. Our doctor was not on call, but the doctor who was on call asked how far apart my contractions were and how long they lasted. I told her that so far this one had lasted about 45 minutes because as far as I could tell, I was in continuous pain; there was no start or stop. Well, she told us to come in. Long story short, after 3 or 4 hours they sent us home and I had contractions on and off until the 14th when my water broke at 4:20 am. The only relief from the pain was a bath, which I took 2 or 3 times each day. I also was taking multiple baths a day because I had PUPPS, which caused such horrendous itching that I thought I would lose my mind.

So, back to the 14th of January, My water has broken and we head to the hospital. I live in Chicago and my hospital is in the suburbs, which in January could translate into serious traffic problems. We got to the hospital in no time! By the time we get into a labor and delivery room I am 4 cm dilated. They ask if I plan to have an epidural...yes! When would I like it? As soon as I can have it! Well, I get my epidural in a matter of minutes. Wow, this is going GREAT!! They keep checking my progress and everything is textbook; a little help from pitocin and I continue to dilate beautifully. The doctors expect that we will have a baby by around 1:00 that afternoon. Cool!

Well, 1:00 comes and goes and so does 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, and 6:00. I am stuck at 9 cm for at least 4 hours. My little babe starts having an irregular heartbeat, fast, then slow. On with the oxygen mask, and the internal heart monitor (screwed into my baby's little head), and the internal contraction monitor. My perfect labor has taken an alarming turn.

I have no more amniotic fluid and this is not okay. The doctor does an amniofusion to put some fluid back around the baby in the hopes to keep him safe and help me to dilate to 10 cm. This did not work and off to have a cesarean we went. My birth plan said that when in doubt as to my baby's health do a c-section! They did not waste time and for that I am so thankful.

Now, all through my pregnancy I had said that I would prefer a C-section to a vaginal delivery. I thought a C-section would be less painful and traumatic than a vaginal delivery. What an idiot I was! C-sections hurt, and they leave a scar to boot! I was so swollen afterward that I could not bend my legs at the knee or foot because my skin was so tight. I looked like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, minus the purple skin. Really, it wasn't that bad, but be careful what you wish for because it may just come true!!

I would do it all again in a heartbeat for my little miracle.

He's Here!

I love being in my daddy's arms.

Monday, January 14, 2008

7:06 PM

19 inches

6 lbs, 10 oz.

We are all home and doing well!

I miss this stage of J's life already and it has just begun; he is only 9 days old.

The love that I feel for J is indescribable; greater than words can fully express.

I hope to update again soon .

Our precious prince thanks you for visiting!

P.S. Happy 2nd birthday cousin R! I cannot wait to meet you!

150 Beats Per Minute

Wow!!! I cannot believe how much s/he has grown; s/he is a baby already! I had no idea what wonderful things we would see at this appointment. Look at those fingers. You can even see her/his cheekbone.

We heard the heartbeat today and it was awesome. I was starting to get scared because we had not been to the doctor in 4 weeks and a lot can happen from week 8 to week 12. When I heard that heartbeat I was so beyond words thrilled!! Our OB, who I trust completely (not something that I say lightly or often) said that our baby's heartbeat is "in the girl range." I thought that was an old wives tale, but that's what he said, so if I say she instead of s/he that's why. Just about everyone close to me thinks we are having a girl. It will be interesting to see. Awhile ago my father-in-law said he thinks we are having a boy, but I suspect wishful thinking on his part as his daughter is pregnant with a girl.

We went to the geneticist after our OB appointment and had our first trimester scan where they measure the nuchal fold of the baby's neck as a screening for a trisomy (three chromosomes where there should be a pair). The trisomy's are: Downs Syndrome (Trisomy 21), Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18 . Our little baby was jumping all around in there and waving her arms. I swear she looked at me a waved!

They do this early scan in conjunction with blood work and then take all of the results combined with my age and give us a 1 in blah blah chance of having a baby with a Trisomy. Obviously this is non-invasive and cannot harm the baby. I am happy to do any detailed scans and blood work that poses no risk to the baby. The doctor said that the baby's nuchal fold should be under 2mm and definitely under 2.5mm. Our little babe's was 1.5mm, which they said was great! We should have the 1 in blah blah results in about 3 days. The medical community has an unwritten cut-off of 1 in 300 being a risk. At this point I am thinking that if our risk of a trisomy comes back as over 1 in 300, then I will not have an amniocentesis, if it is under 1 in 300, then I may.

I am just so happy that s/he is so active and apparently happy. We may have a dancer or a swimmer in there!

169 Beats Per Minute

8 Weeks 3 Days (yesterday 6/13/07)
CRL: 17.6 mm
GA: 8 weeks 2 days

I went to my OB's office last week for blood work and Iceman and I went yesterday for our first appointment with our OB. It is so wonderful to be in the care of this office!!! What a change from the horrible nurse-witches at the RE's office. Following the appointment yesterday I felt terrific, like everything will be okay and that I can handle it all.

I was so excited when they tried to use the Doppler ultrasound (on top of the abdomen), but they could not find the baby. The tech told us it was due to my having a tilted uterus, but I was scared! Back to the trans-vaginal ultrasound. I panicked a bit until she found the baby. Then I panicked until I saw the little heart beating, then I cried when I saw the arm! I was so shocked; I screamed out, "I see the arm, I see the arm!" Then I wasn't sure, so I asked if it really was the arm and it was!! Then I saw the leg and I was thrilled; this is our baby!!! Awesome! I told iceman and the tech, "I have looked at many ultrasounds of other people's kids and I never knew what I was looking at. I knew immediately when I saw my kid's arm and leg!" It was beyond words awe inspiring!

Iceman thinks the baby looks like a teddy bear and the tech agreed with him. I think s/he looks like a real baby already and that is pretty darn cool.

Every one we know tells us their gender opinion... "Your having a boy." or "Wendy's having a girl." Hmmmm. It's funny how there is never an "I think" it is always a definite. I only mention this 'cause I think it's a little strange that people are so sure about their opinion, but nice that people care enough about our pregnancy to give a shit whether we are having a boy or girl. Personally, I change my mind about the gender multiple times a day. It will be awesome when we find out, then I can start spending ($ we don't have). I did buy two pairs of Cubs booties yesterday. They were on sale and since our bundle will be born in the winter, s/he will need warm booties. This is the second purchase I have made for the baby. The first was a rocking stuffed elephant. There was only one left and I had to have it!!!

Beta Times Two and Then Some!

I went for my second beta today and I was soooo scared that the numbers would fall short, but I was thrilled to hear that my...

beta was: 1112

and my

progesterone was: 28.9

My HCG is doubling every 1.56 days or 37.51 hours (I used online calculators to figure this out; math is not my strong suit). That seems really terrific, judging from the averages that I have seen on the Internet.

I am not sure why the progesterone level fell, but the doctor (the lady who takes my blood called me, not my doctor; it was a nice day to play golf) seemed unconcerned, so I will try to be as well. Our next appointment is on Tuesday, May 29th and it is for our first ultrasound (Yeah!!!). If all goes well at this appointment, then I will hopefully begin to relax (a teensy bit).

I am elated beyond words, but I have fears, fears that no one close to me wants to hear and to be frank, I don't blame them; I don't want to have these fears either. Understandably, we all (my husband, mom and sister) want to relish in the excitement, but I have these nagging fears regardless.

A high, doubling HCG number is great news, but it also could indicate a molar pregnancy and although they are relatively rare (about 1 in 1000 or 1 in 1500) I think about the possibility. By the way, I wouldn't even know what a molar pregnancy is, but I just read the book Waiting for Daisy and the author had a partial molar pregnancy. The more I read about molar pregnancies, the more I realize that I am just a nutcase; it is unlikely.

I also think about my dear friend who saw a heartbeat at six weeks, started spotting, and two days later the heartbeat was no more. Not long before that my same friend had a blighted ovum and lost that pregnancy too. It is hard not to let these thoughts seep into my consciousness and because I am a little nuts and I don't want to spoil the fun for other people, I have to give these fears voice somewhere.

I must go back to my elation. I am thrilled, but I am definitely still in shock. I never really thought this would work, especially with my dx, the chances of success given me by my RE, and the many failed IUI's of friends, acquaintances, and online buddies. My excitement is tempered by two online friends who were on the same journey with me day by day, but now have to endure yet another cycle of IF treatment. Another online friend received the news of a negative beta, and I know that there is nothing I can do or say to ease their pain. I feel so guilty and I want so much to still be online friends, but will they still want to talk with me? I really don't blame them if they pull back; I know how hard the disappointment of a failed cycle is. I just wish we all got positive, doubling betas and we could go through our first pregnancies together.

I offer no advice; my RE seemingly pulled a rabbit out of an empty hat and I am grateful beyond words, but saddened all the same for my special friends who are still waiting for their miracles. I will be here pulling for and waiting with you.

Beta Bing

Holy fucking shit..........,

I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

It may even be twins!

Any thoughts on this possibilty are welcome and will be greatly appreciated!

Beta: 458 (wow!)
Progesterone: 39 (awesome, no oil shots or suppositories)

I am beyond shocked and thrilled. My RE really is a magic maker! The odds were stacked against us and we are elated. That doesn't mean that I am not worrying about all of the things that could go awry, especially at my age, but those thoughts are for a later post. For now, we are basking in the light of a miracle. I am pregnant.

(My next beta is Wednesday May 16th @ 11:00 am)

Cycle day 27
15 dpo/IUI
17 dp HCG Trigger
10 dp HCG Booster