Sadly, So F$%KING Sadly, I Stand Corrected

That is all that I have to say about that.

Cubs Clinch N.L. Central!!!

It is my belief that Jem is the key to reversing the Cubs curse. Jem was born on January 14, 2008, which makes his astrological sign a goat. Jem's middle name is Dov, which means bear; Jem is a baby and a baby bear is a...Cub. Dov is for Jem's great-grandpa Don, who was a die hard Cubs fan, as was his other great-grandpa Waller. A baby as awesome as Jem only comes along every 100 years; the last time the Cubs won a world series was...100 years ago. See how that works?

To Clip or Not to Clip

When Jem was an itty bitty baby I tried clipping his nails, but it did not turn out well. I clipped two nails and drew blood on BOTH fingers. I was horrified beyond words and never used nail clippers again. I have been filing Jem's nails ever since...until today! I clipped all ten nails and nary a drop of blood was shed. Yeah!!! A mommy milestone to be sure.

Have I mentioned how awesome my kid is???

Almost 8 Months, Two Teeth, Back at Work and Still Breastfeeding

Before Jem was born people would ask me if I was going to breastfeed and I would say that I was going to try and was planning to make it to 3 months. After Jem was born there were times that I did not think that I would make it to one month let alone three months. When I got to the three month mark I decided that it was important to breastfeed until Jem was six months. Now I am at nearly 8 months and I am so glad that I never gave up. It got much easier as time went on.

Sometimes breastfeeding is the only thing that comforts Jem when he is super tired and cannot fall asleep on his own. I will cherish this time for the rest of my life and I am honored that I alone can provide this for him. This is not to say that it is easy, especially now that I am back at work, but that makes it even more important. While Jem is at day care and I am at work it comforts me to know that he has my breast milk.

I would rather be with him, but he is really happy at day care. If he wasn't I would be living in a cardboard box under Lakeshore Drive because I would stay home with him regardless if I lost my house. It would have to be a pretty big cardboard box though because we would need enough space for the 5 kitties and doggie too.

Jem Rolled Over!

Picture from 5-20-08.




On Friday night June 6, 2008 at approximately 9:45 pm Jem rolled from his back to his front, then back to his back. My jaw hit the floor and I was speechless for some moments. I am so proud!



Then today at approximately 4:55 pm, Jem rolled over TWO more times from back to front! The first time he had some trouble getting his arm out from under his body, so mom helped a bit. The second time he did it himself. This tired him out soooooo much that he needed a snack and a nap.



The thing is, when my babe wants to do something and can't (getting his arm out from under him, putting, x, y, or z in his mouth, etc.) he gets SUPER frustrated. This is no passive child; he wants to do what he wants when he wants and if he can't, watch out! He gets this from his mother. I just hope he doesn't grow up and stomp off the field or take his ball and go home. I am not really worried about this, I know he will have tenacity; he already does!!



I cannot express how much I love Jem. There are simply no words....

Out for a Walk

Jem looking lovingly at his momma . He melts my heart with that smile!

(Picture taken at the start of our walk.)

The Mega Millions lottery is up to $100 million, so I decide to take my boys and my dog on a walk to buy the winning ticket. It was drizzling slightly, but the store is only a block and a half away, so off we go. After we get halfway there I notice a dark cloud above us, which I mention to Mike; he is unconcerned. After a few more steps I announce my growing concern about the possibility of a sudden downpour. Jem is a very fussy baby and the mere thought of getting stuck in the rain with him and my dog is enough to throw me into a panic. I mean, if I am holding Jem and I stop moving for a millisecond, he voices his discontent. He only tolerates his bath if he is not actually in the water, so I kind of thought we should not take any chances and turn back, but Mike seemed a little annoyed and we were already halfway there, so on we went.

I get my three lottery tickets (three because Jem is three months old) and we head home. Two steps out of the gas station and the drizzle turns to rain, then BOOM...torrential downpour. I am wearing flip flops, but I try my best to run. Mike is running with the stroller, and I am running with the dog. Jem is in his travel system, which has two canopy's, one on the infant seat and one on the stroller, so he should be totally protected, but there is no way to check because then he would definitely get soaked, so I try to get home ASAP without freaking out about how Jem is handling this.

We get in the house and Mike, Sugar, and I are completely soaked, with my heart seizing with panic, I check on Jem and he is not only totally dry, but happy as can be!

What an awesome memory!

First Real Bath, Finally

Jem finally had his first real bath today. I know, I am an awful parent; how could Jem's first bath be on his 2 month birthday? Well, for one, I am not nearly as good a parent as I thought I would be and second, when we went to give him a bath awhile ago, he screamed his head off and I just could not do it! We put him in one of those plastic tubs and he just looked so freakin' uncomfortable. His poor fragile head on this uncomfortable plastic; it just ripped my heart out. Honestly, that padding is a joke. Plus, he was so wobbly, I just could not do it.

Mike and I have been washing him periodically with these Johnson's wipes, but I have been riddled with guilt over not bathing my child the right way, you know, with water and soap, so today I did it! By myself, in the real bathtub with Jem in the Mother's Touch Large Comfort Bather, and it was okay. Jem was, of course, screaming, but I worked fast and at the end I think he kind liked it...though he probably would not admit this.

I hope that I am a better parent than I feel like I am. I really feel like a bad parent quite a bit. Jem hates tummy time, so he hardly does it. Am I hurting my child irreparably by being less of a parent than I should be? I hope he loves me! When he falls asleep during the day, I put him in his crib and I feel like I am not doing enough for him, like I should be bouncing him and holding him all day. I know he needs to sleep, but I just have this feeling of inadequacy a lot. I just have so much guilt and anxiety at times that I did not anticipate. I hope it is the hormone shift and that this will pass. My husband tells me that I am the most selfless person that he knows, but I do not feel like it. I feel so disorganized and I want to have better systems in place for us as a family. I feel so lazy sometimes, like I should do more, be less tired, be a better wife and mother.

Is Jem eating enough? Is Jem eating too much? Why does Jem "ask" to be fed, then arch his back and scream? Is is the gas? Is it reflux? Is it that my milk is bad? Is it the supplemental formula he gets occasionally? So many questions that I cannot answer? I just have to get more comfortable with not having answers and not being as perfect as I wish I were.

I just hope that Jem is happy now and always.

One Month Doctor Appointment

Weight: 10 lbs. 5 oz.

Length: 21 1/4

Head Circumference: 15 1/8

Temperature: 96.5 (He was naked. Mike asked if the temp was okay and the doc said yes.)

Jem Dancing (Then Crying)

We had Jem's one month appointment on Thursday, Feb. 21st. It was supposed to be on the 14th, but we were late and had to reschedule; the doctor was gone already (supposedly). The reason we were late, aside from trying to get myself and a newborn ready, was that a cab was stalled in the middle lane of the expressway.

Jem is a little one, in terms of percentages, which is fine with me as he doesn't like to be out of my arms for any length of time. He has been up all night and crying (screaming bloody murder) recently and if you saw me you would know this to be true as I am unshowered, have bags under my eyes, and my wrinkles are more pronounced than ever. I will spare you how many days of unshowered I am. Suffice it to say, it is more than one, but less than a baker's dozen.

Jem is hungry all of the time! My brother has two boys and he was shocked by how often our little guy wants to eat. He could be attached to my boob 24/7 and be happy. The doctor cautioned against overfeeding and told us how babies like to suck and are not necessarily hungry. Most of the time I can tell when he is hungry because he tries to eat his hand and moves his head like a turtle trying to find a breast. I started calling him a turtle in the hospital because of this and I think this nickname will stick!

I love my baby boy so much!

Be Careful What You Wish For

Our little prince will be one month old tomorrow. My how the time flies and how fat the baby gets! My little hungry hungry hippo eats 24/7!

One would think that delivering a 6 pound 10 ounce baby would be a veritable piece of cake, but he or she would be wrong in my case.

My labor started off just as I had hoped, with my water breaking. This made me happy because I did not want to sit around counting and timing contractions. I wanted to know when I was for sure in labor and that I could go straight to the hospital, which is exactly what we did!

The truth is that I was in "very early labor" starting the night of Wednesday January 9. We called the OB's office that night because I was having very painful contractions. Our doctor was not on call, but the doctor who was on call asked how far apart my contractions were and how long they lasted. I told her that so far this one had lasted about 45 minutes because as far as I could tell, I was in continuous pain; there was no start or stop. Well, she told us to come in. Long story short, after 3 or 4 hours they sent us home and I had contractions on and off until the 14th when my water broke at 4:20 am. The only relief from the pain was a bath, which I took 2 or 3 times each day. I also was taking multiple baths a day because I had PUPPS, which caused such horrendous itching that I thought I would lose my mind.

So, back to the 14th of January, My water has broken and we head to the hospital. I live in Chicago and my hospital is in the suburbs, which in January could translate into serious traffic problems. We got to the hospital in no time! By the time we get into a labor and delivery room I am 4 cm dilated. They ask if I plan to have an epidural...yes! When would I like it? As soon as I can have it! Well, I get my epidural in a matter of minutes. Wow, this is going GREAT!! They keep checking my progress and everything is textbook; a little help from pitocin and I continue to dilate beautifully. The doctors expect that we will have a baby by around 1:00 that afternoon. Cool!

Well, 1:00 comes and goes and so does 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, and 6:00. I am stuck at 9 cm for at least 4 hours. My little babe starts having an irregular heartbeat, fast, then slow. On with the oxygen mask, and the internal heart monitor (screwed into my baby's little head), and the internal contraction monitor. My perfect labor has taken an alarming turn.

I have no more amniotic fluid and this is not okay. The doctor does an amniofusion to put some fluid back around the baby in the hopes to keep him safe and help me to dilate to 10 cm. This did not work and off to have a cesarean we went. My birth plan said that when in doubt as to my baby's health do a c-section! They did not waste time and for that I am so thankful.

Now, all through my pregnancy I had said that I would prefer a C-section to a vaginal delivery. I thought a C-section would be less painful and traumatic than a vaginal delivery. What an idiot I was! C-sections hurt, and they leave a scar to boot! I was so swollen afterward that I could not bend my legs at the knee or foot because my skin was so tight. I looked like Violet Beauregarde from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, minus the purple skin. Really, it wasn't that bad, but be careful what you wish for because it may just come true!!

I would do it all again in a heartbeat for my little miracle.

May You

MAY YOU

May you learn to touch joy
in each moment,
May you dance to your song
in each day.
May you find your own music
within you,
May you follow your heart
all the way.

May you learn through your
daily endeavors,
May you learn to feel
deeply with love.
May you grow to feel
conscience forever,
May you grow wonderfully
dear Jem Ruben Dov.

Poppa Waller
1 / 20 / 08

He's Here!

I love being in my daddy's arms.

Monday, January 14, 2008

7:06 PM

19 inches

6 lbs, 10 oz.

We are all home and doing well!

I miss this stage of J's life already and it has just begun; he is only 9 days old.

The love that I feel for J is indescribable; greater than words can fully express.

I hope to update again soon .

Our precious prince thanks you for visiting!

P.S. Happy 2nd birthday cousin R! I cannot wait to meet you!

32 Weeks

Most recent pictures taken Sunday, November 25, 2007 at my parent's house (32 Weeks).

I am no longer on strict bed rest, but I am to rest as much as possible. At least two hours with my feet up every morning, afternoon and evening. This does not include when I am (supposed to be) sleeping (am peeing instead). I must say this is an impossible task while working. I have been so nauseous and dizzy lately, usually simultaneously. Also, when I take a shower, I have contractions. Today, to avoid contractions in the shower, I did not shave my legs because I thought it was the bending over that caused the problem. I was wrong; I guess it is just the act of showering. Who knows? I do know that I have been feeling like shit more and more often. Every day that I act like a normal person (leave the house), I have to rest for two days to recover. I actually could not go to work today because I felt so awful: nauseous, crampy, and exhausted. After Thanksgiving (great day), I was in bed for two full days, which I hate. I love being energetic and getting things done and organized, etc., but I simply cannot do that right now.

Yesterday I had my 32 week check-up and as I was sitting in the waiting room I became dizzy and nauseous and scanned the room in a panic looking for a garbage can in which to vomit. I did not vomit (hate to!), but I knew that I should go straight home after the appointment and rest. I did not go straight home as I should have, I ran a couple of errands because I was already out and knew that I would probably not be out of the house except for work for a while. It was a stupid thing to do as I had horrid contractions while in TJ Maxx (you get the max for the minimum) and I could barely walk, even with the support of the shopping cart. I did get some damn cute things for my baby boy, but it was stupid, I know. Also, even some C cup bras are too small now! I did go home and straight to bed.

Premature Labor

We were scheduled to start our baby care class o0n Tuesday at the hospital where "Wilson" will be born. I had a horrible headache starting about 1:00 in the afternoon, but that is nothing new, so I eventually took two Tylenol and worked through the pain (staying late, as usual). Tylenol is pretty much a placebo as far as I am concerned, but I take it anyway when the headache is bad enough. At about 4:45 I started to feel a tightening in my lower abdomen. We just came home from work and without telling Iceman about the contractions, I crawled into bed until we had to leave for class. The tightening eased a bit while I was laying in my bed, but was still quite noticeable. When I got out of bed about 30-40 minutes later the cramping continued and each one lasted a while. I still did not tell Mike and he must be blind or just used to ignoring my presence because I was obviously in a lot of discomfort. I sucked it up, kept my mouth shut, got in the car, and decided that it was normal and not to overreact. I figured that I was just exhausted.

On the way, traffic was awful and the tightening continued. Mike thought that traffic was bad enough that we may have to reschedule our class. I told him to just head to the hospital. I figured it was better to be at the hospital instead of at home, just in case. Well I finally told him what I was feeling. Once at the hospital he kept asking me if the contracting was a problem. I kept telling him that I had no idea, I have never had a baby before. I wanted to just go to the class and see if after a few hours I would feel better; he wanted to go to the ER. We walked over there (Mike was adamant), but the place was jam packed and I refused to stay. I told him that I had paperwork to drop off at OB/GYN and that we should just go there. When we got in the elevator I pressed the floor of the baby care class instead of the OB/GYN because I really thought we should attend the class. Well, that did not sit well with Mike, so we went to the OB/GYN floor.

The first nurse we talked to was a total bitch, continually telling us that we should have called our doctor first. I tried to explain to this C U Next Tuesday that we would not have come to the hospital without calling our doctor, but that we had a class to attend and we were already here. She just would not let up; she was a very nasty women. She called my doctor, who just happened to be at the hospital. He told her to put me on the monitor and see what was happening. The contractions were 5 minutes apart.

Our doctor came by to see us; he is a great doctor. He told us that we did the right thing, which made me feel better. They gave me two bags of IV fluids and monitored me for about 4 hours. My doctor sent me home and put me on strict bed rest until tomorrow when we go see him at his office. My cervix was closed both times they checked and the tests for toxemia and preeclampsia came back aok! The resident who checked my cervix meant business. I tell ya, it felt like she was crawling in.

Yesterday I was still feeling contractions all day, but I feel better today. It seems to have relaxed a bit, now I just have a terrible headache. I just want this little guy to cook in there until he is good and ready to come out.

3 lbs. 14 oz. at 30 Weeks 1 Day

Yesterday we had our baby shower and it was terrific! My mom and my sister did a fantastic job and I love them more than words can say!

The picture above was taken yesterday after the shower and is of me and my adorable one month old niece, Willa. She is such an angel. Now somebody be a sweetie and help me up off of the floor, please!

Today we had our 30 week ultrasound and our boy weighs (approx.) 3 pounds 14 ounces! Baby Center dot com says by week 30 the baby is nearing 3 pounds and the book, Your Pregnancy Week by Week says the baby is about 3 pounds at this point. Now we all know that each baby and each pregnancy can vary a GREAT deal, but still, our baby boy is BIG (or it just seems that way to me)! Our doctor says we are looking at around an 8 pound baby. Yikes!! Epidural, here I come.

My belly measured 30 cm (awesome!) and the little guy is already head down. I would have bet all of the tea in China that he would have been head up because it feels like he is kicking me in the tush, but he must be punching. Mike thinks that's cool because then Wilson (baby's current nickname) will like to box like his daddy. Personally, I am hoping for baseball.

20 Weeks 3 Days

These pictures are from my 20 week appointment on September 5, 2007. Isn't he adorable?

He's looking right at us!

What a purrfect foot if I do say so myself. He really likes to use it to kick mommy all day long.

Opening and closing his mouth. So cool! He is one active little guy. I started feeling him move during the 17th week! I have already gained 23 pounds as of September 5th!

One Hell of a Storm in Chicago

This is the view from my front porch and trust me, pictures do not do the damage on my block justice. My husband and I watched my neighbor's tree go over from our bedroom window, then we grabbed our dog and the one cat that was upstairs and ran downstairs. I was sure our tree was going to fall on our house; it didn't, thank goodness.

Still on my front porch. This is not my car; mine is in the garage.

Still on my front porch. We live right by hwy 90/94 in Chicago and this is a billboard, which up until a little while ago, had an advertisement on it.

That is part of my neighbor's tree hanging precariously from a telephone line. My husband and our neighbor got it down.

Close up of my across the street neighbors tree. He is 85 years old and I was worried about him because he did not come outside after the storm. We knocked on his door for a quite some time, but he did not answer. I will check on him later to make sure that he is okay.

I do not think I have ever seen such bad weather in Chicago and I have lived here my entire life. The sound the storm made and the sight of the trees either bent over to the ground or toppled was surreal. At the time I thought it must be a tornado, but it was a microburst. The news said that another line of storms is coming through soon.

I cannot believe we did not lose power.

46 XY

16 Weeks 3 Days (yesterday)
Heartbeat 150

The tests all came back normal! We are having a boy!

I must admit, I was shocked when our OB said that we were having a boy. This is because almost everyone we are close with and see regularly was certain, absolutely certain that we were having a girl. When I called my mom and told her we knew the gender she said, "It's a girl!" I was like, "Uh...no it's not..." When I called my sister she said, "Is it a girl?" I mean my whole family was sure we were having a girl from the moment of conception. I could tell that my sister was thrilled that we were having a boy, simply thrilled. My mom was just thrilled to know everything was okay; she couldn't care less about the gender. She was so sure we were having a girl, she bought girl stuff already. Now, that is silliness; I didn't even do that, and I saw some cute shit.

I have to say, when we had our first trimester screening ultrasound, I looked at the monitor at our jumping baby and thought, "That is a boy." To me, he looked like a boy even then. I never told anyone this feeling and since then I became convinced that we were having a girl. It is so perfect that we are having a boy because I intended to have an animals and palm trees theme regardless of the gender. I am just not all that into pink, unless it's really bright and bold. I just love the Fisher Price Rainforest collection! I registered for it months ago!!!

I am already thinking about the circumcision. Poor baby.

I sure hope it's true that little boys love their mommies!!

Baby Bump 15 Weeks 6 Days

This is a picture of me, Iceman, my sister, and my Dad; my mom took the picture. It was taken on Saturday, August 4, 2007 when we were celebrating my dad's 63rd birthday. His birthday is actually 8/6 and we just got back from having dinner and birthday cake at my parent's house. My dad is one lucky duckie to celebrate his birthday twice! I feel one should stretch out his or her birthday celebration as long as possible!

We played Yahtzee and I lost 3 of 4 games. Boo hoo. Iceman beat me twice and my mom beat me once. I love playing Yahtzee, but I am getting a little tired of losing. Iceman and I played 6 or 7 games on my birthday, and he won all of them but one!!!

My mom has really taken to rubbing my belly, which is cute and does not bother me, but she has come super duper close to feeling me up on more than one occasion. I mentioned this to her, but she does not care; she is so thrilled about this baby!

I have not heard from the genetic counselor yet. Come on Mr. Uncooked Noodle; we are waiting!!!

Ten Days Since Amniocentesis

Yesterday was 10 days since the amnio, which is significant in that the doctor who performed the test told us that it would take 10 days to get the results. Of course, I did not ask whether that meant 10 business days, nor did I expect to get the results on a Saturday. The thing is, I want to know already or at least know when I will know.

It will be 10 business days since the amnio as well as my next appointment with our OB this coming Wednesday, August 8, 2007. I am hoping that we will have the results before our next appointment, that way we can discuss the results with our OB.

I Finally Got My Pool!

I have been wanting a pool since we bought our house in March of 2005 and I finally have it! As you can see, I did not even wait until the pool was filled, nor did I waste time by putting on a bathing suit. It has been so damn hot and humid in Chicago, this pool went from a want to a need PDQ (pretty damn quick).

I have always been a summer lover and sun worshiper, but lately I cannot handle the heat coupled with the oppressive humidity. It is my wish to one day have an in-ground pool, but in the city, it is nearly impossible to get a permit for an in-ground pool. Because of this we will most likely be suburbanites (eventually), but for now this pool will do the job just fine!

That picture is me with 17-19 more pounds than usual! Ahhhh, the joys of pregnancy. The book, Your Pregnancy Week by Week says that I should have gained 5 pounds at this point in my pregnancy. Ummm, yeah.... fuck off!!