Caveat Emptor

I apologize in advance if I offend those of you to whom I am related or close friends. Writing this is my catharsis and has been keeping me (moderately) sane of late.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Locked in a Vacancy

Well, it is one day post IUI and I am exhausted. My dog sh*t on the floor, and I haven't even contemplated cleaning it up, proving that I am indeed, horrible. In fact, I saw said sh*t on the floor when I was going to sleep last night (3:30 this morning) and I just left it there. I was tired, dammit! My dog is a chihuahua, so it really is not that much sh*t. Why do I admit this sheer laziness? Well, I am not perfect and I am not going to be, ever (note to self). Also, since nobody is ever going to read this (except my poor sister-cause I sent her the link) nobody will ever know just how piss poor a human being I really am. I take that back; I am a grrrreat human being, just a supremely lazy one.

Life is hard when you you have nothing to do; nothing to concentrate on but the odds of a successful pregnancy following an IUI. Oh sure I have mountains of laundry that I should do, two horribly filthy bathrooms that I should clean, and dirty dishes in the sink that I should wash, but I have never been fond of housework. Also, I could clean up that sh*t on the floor. I am going to clean up that sh*t. I'll be back in 2 minutes and 2 seconds (shout out Chuck Woolery). Mission accomplished; shit cleaned up, laundry and dishes, still not done. Bathrooms, still dirty.

The shots are over, at least for now, my belly is healing, and my initial excitement of possible conception is waning. It dawns on me that this IUI has a critically low chance of success. This way of thinking is not my eternally negative outlook, it is my nagging realism. Yesterday I felt jubilant, for the first time in a long time; today I feel lonely. I often feel lonely, tired, and under appreciated, but yesterday, I felt better.

F*CK, I just typed a dynamic (if I do say so myself) succession of paragraphs, and I lost them!!! Can't find them!!! Gone!! I am paralysed with anger! SAVE AS DRAFT DUMB ASS!!!! Oh, why did I have to upload that picture mid-blog without SAVING AS DRAFT? Because, I am a blog novice moron and I hate myself for it. I will recover, as soon as I can remember every f*cking word that I typed. That, by the way will not happen because I cannot even remember why I came in this room half the time. I will just have to try to get over this; I think a nap is in order!

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