Caveat Emptor

I apologize in advance if I offend those of you to whom I am related or close friends. Writing this is my catharsis and has been keeping me (moderately) sane of late.

Friday, March 14, 2008

First Real Bath, Finally

Jem finally had his first real bath today. I know, I am an awful parent; how could Jem's first bath be on his 2 month birthday? Well, for one, I am not nearly as good a parent as I thought I would be and second, when we went to give him a bath awhile ago, he screamed his head off and I just could not do it! We put him in one of those plastic tubs and he just looked so freakin' uncomfortable. His poor fragile head on this uncomfortable plastic; it just ripped my heart out. Honestly, that padding is a joke. Plus, he was so wobbly, I just could not do it.

Mike and I have been washing him periodically with these Johnson's wipes, but I have been riddled with guilt over not bathing my child the right way, you know, with water and soap, so today I did it! By myself, in the real bathtub with Jem in the Mother's Touch Large Comfort Bather, and it was okay. Jem was, of course, screaming, but I worked fast and at the end I think he kind liked it...though he probably would not admit this.

I hope that I am a better parent than I feel like I am. I really feel like a bad parent quite a bit. Jem hates tummy time, so he hardly does it. Am I hurting my child irreparably by being less of a parent than I should be? I hope he loves me! When he falls asleep during the day, I put him in his crib and I feel like I am not doing enough for him, like I should be bouncing him and holding him all day. I know he needs to sleep, but I just have this feeling of inadequacy a lot. I just have so much guilt and anxiety at times that I did not anticipate. I hope it is the hormone shift and that this will pass. My husband tells me that I am the most selfless person that he knows, but I do not feel like it. I feel so disorganized and I want to have better systems in place for us as a family. I feel so lazy sometimes, like I should do more, be less tired, be a better wife and mother.

Is Jem eating enough? Is Jem eating too much? Why does Jem "ask" to be fed, then arch his back and scream? Is is the gas? Is it reflux? Is it that my milk is bad? Is it the supplemental formula he gets occasionally? So many questions that I cannot answer? I just have to get more comfortable with not having answers and not being as perfect as I wish I were.

I just hope that Jem is happy now and always.


Anonymous said...

there are lots of things Jem isn't going to are an amazing mother and he loves you and always will because you're you.

You must remember you really can't do anything wrong here..just love him. You have always taken care of me wendy and were there for through the things that life brings that no one likes..shots, surguries, deaths, anxiety...and whole list of other aweful things we must all go through in life..I'll tell you what..those things that are scary, when we look back and think of those things...we remeber the people that were with us through it and isn't it strange they weren't that bad...actually their some of the best memories we have. Just smile...and remember all you've accomplished and remember it fondly because of those who are with you as you go through it. You are the best big sister the world could ever have given me. I love you. Jay Jay.

eatmisery said...

Every new mother feels the way you do at some point. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are that boy's everything and he loves you for that. Motherhood is never easy and it's the loneliest job in the world, even if you have a hands-on husband.

You're doing great for never having done it before. Cut yourself some slack, Wendy. Enjoy every moment because they don't stay little for long. Laugh at your mistakes because the boy will, too. And he'll never remember your mistakes. :)

Have you tried the Mylicon for Jem?

Email me if you need to. I'm all ears.